October 1st, 2006


(In Dulci Jubilo doesn't have lyrics...)

So, having somehow persuaded Emma to do an update, I really feel that I should update you all all on what I've been up to recently. I haven't been updating much, as most of the people who read my journal live in the same house as I do, which makes the whole exercise somewhat pointless...

Well. I moved into my new house. It's nice there.
I got to know my housemates better, and got repeatedly annoyed at the messyness of some of them ;)
I basically sat around doing nothing for a week.
I got the Internet connection up and running properly, at last.

Then, we had Fresher's week. I got a job, thanks to Holly's brother Oliver. I now work for the Computer Centre on campus. First job evar :)

Fresher's Fayre was insane! It was noisy and sweaty, and I had to scream myself hoarse to be heard be the people visiting our stand. Everyone had to shout, so we all ended up with sore throats.

I met a hot asian chick sometime during the week, who helped me get my feelings into perspective, in a weird kind of way. Not by doing anything, just by causing me to think, no less. Lots of thinking, and a decision. More on this at some point, perhaps.

Today, me and Claire went to see Think Floyd, a Pink Floyd tribute band. They were brilliant.

I'm tired, so I should really go to bed. I have to travel back home to Egham tomorrow, and part of the journey will be by bus >_<
Back in Egham, I have to finish off some posters for the anime & manga society, get my stuff ready for lectures, wash up....and summon up some courage.

Oh, and "today" is now the 1st of October. D'y'know what happened 9 months ago? Well, I didn't update LJ that day, but it was when me and Viv got together. Funny really. For the first while after we broke up, I was completly broken. I didn't really want to go on, and I couldn't see myself ever being loved again. Now, I've gained a greater understanding of many things, and I think that I am ready to move on now. I mean, I've been over her for a couple of months already, but I can now see a future with a loving relationship in it, as opposed to a future alone. (If I'm not making sense, then I appologise. I'm tired.) As you might have guessed from my previous entries, there is somebody that I really like...or really love... I'm not sure. Language is an odd thing. Where does "like" end and "love" begin? I know the difference between loving and being in love, but can you be in love with someone if it's only one way? Are two people "in love" when they're a couple, or can someone be in love with someone else when it's unrequited?

Words. I can be good with them sometimes, but generally, when it comes to speaking about something like this, I freeze up and can't say what I mean. Small wonder that I've never had the courage to confess or ask someone out in person! I'm a computer geek - a keyboard is my preferred way of communication sometimes, especially about embaressing things. More likely, it's because it's a detatched thing, lacking a certain human element. Rejection over Skype is a lot easier to deal with that rejection in person (presumably). In short, it's a cowardly thing, I guess. I am a coward, I will freely admit that. I'm scared of going out on a limb and taking a big risk without reasonably belief that I will suceed. But sometimes, I guess, you just have to go for it, if the payoff is worth that much to you. I won't deny it - I'm terrified. I've had a couple of good chances recently that I've missed, because I didn't think the timing was good enough, but there can be no guarantee that they will keep coming. Decisive action is needed. I'm a performer. When I'm put on the spot, I can do my thing. I just wish I was better at understanding people. I wish for a sign that my feelings are returned, but what if I'm just being too dense to understand the signals I'm getting?

People. I don't understand them >_<

Anyway, I think it's time for bed.

*I could live happily without coffee*