March 18th, 2006

Icy Background


So I'm home. And apparently I'm the new Officer without a Portfolio for Anime Soc...

The journey was H.e.l.l. Just so crowded! I had to stand for about an hour and a half, I guess. There was no Thameslink for an hour or so, so I had to get the tube, which I despise so very much.

Got the Lynn train after shuffling through crowded King's Cross with my huge and heavy bags. Were there any seats? No. So I had to stand for about an hour or so more in a tiny little space against the door, with commuters squeezing past me at every station, nearly pushing me out onto the cold platform in the rush to escape the crush.

Finally I was able to sit on the floor, and then on a chair for the last quarter of an hour or so. By the time we got in, I was shattered. I hadn't eaten properly since breakfast (thanks, TW20s - not making Cheese Bagettes is really smart) and I was at the point of physical exhaustion.

Then I did something unforgivable.

I forgot to text Viv to say that I was safe.

I am an idiot.

The facts that I was exhausted, hungry, trying desperatly to find out if I had won the election (Holly, Elle and Amy all let me down by falling asleep instead of going to vote - gah!) and whisked away by Mum to food, chat and lots of catching up are not enough to excuse me.
How could I do that?
I don't truthfully know...

I'm just so tired...I haven't slept properly (as in had a good long sleep) for about two weeks, I think.... I nearly passed out at choir this week. All the standing up, all the singing... I was swaying and I had to sit down several times. I'm sleepy in lectures, late for lectures, impossible in the mornings....what have I become? (My sweetest friend...)

I hate myself some days.
Icy Background

Deep down tired...

Ok, so I didn't sleep well. Anyone surprised? How could I sleep well knowing that I'd hurt Viv, who is so precious to me?

And I was thinking about her! I showed Claire her picture in the Staines & Egham Times. I gave the paper to Mum, and was impressed that she found Viv in about 10 or 15 minutes, even though she didn't know that she was even in there.

I told Claire about the EGSed sketches that Holly had made of me & Viv.

Yet, through my tiredness, it never occured to me that I hadn't actually texted her...

And know I'm tired and broken.

I have to go shopping today for smart clothes - a couple of black shirts, in particular. Absolute Harm(ony) don't think that black t-shirt & black jeans counts as "Smart black clothes". And I want to go back to bed, yet I'm not tired tired. Just exhausted with a bit of a headache. Quite a bit of a headache.

I think I'll go and have breakfast now...