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Cosmic Flame
09 August 2005 @ 03:20 am
Horray for Karma! Woo!

Aside from that little note, why am I up so late? I could have been asleep 2 and a half to 3 hours ago! Why, why why?

Maybe my brain is trying to make up for something...like the fact that I hardly seem to do much anymore...I read my Uni book, I play the Sims, I play my guitar, I read webcomics. I play Tibia. That's pretty much it, apart from going to meet Claire at the station. I think the problem is partly that I'm kinda lonely, I guess.... I have one night with quite a bit of contact with people, and the next night I stay up reading, waiting for an e-mail or comment to arrive. There's no real way to deny the fact that I'm lonely and need to get out more. What I'd really love would be if some I new and was friends with some female prog fans in the local area, who'd like to go for a nice bike ride with me and chat about music. There's lots of nice places less than 30 mins away by bike, trees, fields, houses, big roads....uhm, scratch the last two. They're there, but they're not really neat.

The only problem is that I only know two female prog fans apart from Claire (My sister, for the uninformed), and one of them might not really be much of a prog fan, but likes Pink Floyd. Now here's the catch! One of them lives in the USA, the other in Canada. Bit far for a bike ride. One of them I have hardly any contact with any more, and she always seems a bit depressed when I talk to her (also, she has a boyfriend), and the other I talk to regularly here on LJ. Man, but long distances and time zones really suck some days. If I want to hang out with my friends, I don't want to have to fly halfway around the world to see them, nor do I want to have to pay anything more than a bus fair, or in some cases, a train fare. It's just not fair.

I appologise for tonights entry. It's just a random "Brian's never had a girlfriend, nor really has any foreseeable chance of ever getting one, it sometimes seems" rant. And gosh, but that almost seems like a "girlfriend" is some kind of possession, an object to file away neatly with my Yes CDs and Star Wars Official Fact File magazines. That's not at all what I meant. Heck, I'm not even sure what I'm talking about. My mind tends to free up a lot more when I'm tired, so maybe that's why I'm up so late - to give my mind a chance to let out it's deepest worries and aches. Well, it's failed, at least in part. If it wasn't so darn cold then I'd carry on for several more pages, but instead I'm going to bed, as I'm going to be woken up at 8:15 tomorrow, so that gives me about 5 hours of sleep, which isn't good.

I'm going to bed now.
Goodnight, and thanks for putting up with whatever stuff I just typed up - now my brain's going into denial mode, but I shan't let it cover up the truth. It's all true, I think. Or it might just be the product of a tired, cold mind. I leave it up to someone else, possibly me, to decide. Goodnight.
I'm Feeling: coldcold and lonely
I've Been Listening To: Crises, Mike Oldfield, several hours ago. Tarkus and Goodbye Blue Sky in my head earlier