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Cosmic Flame
15 February 2003 @ 09:48 am
Following my entry yesterday, I recieved this:

From: loverofbrian@hotmail.com
Message:

BRIAN-U R A FOOL
U SPELT CHAZ'S NAME WRONG AND PROCEED TO THINK HE HIMSELF
PRINTED OFF THE PAGES-HOW DAMN WRONG YOU ARE I, FOR ONE,
HAPPEN TO KNOW WHO REALLY PRINTED IT OFF. YOU'LL NEVER
KNOWHE WAS GOING 2 READ IT OUT AS A JOKE-NO OFFENCE OR
HARM WAS MEANT 2 U WE APOLOGISE FOR ANY UPSET WE MAY
HAVE CAUSED YOU, AND I AM SAYING THIS PERSONALLY AS THE
OFFICIAL SPOKESPERSON OF 'CHAZ'. ON THE UPSIDE-WE FIND YOU
VERY ATTRACTIVE AND WONDERED IF YOU WOULD ACCEPT THE OFFER
OF JOINING US FOR DINNER AND LIGHT BEVERIDGES IN A SMALL
POSH-NOSH RESTAURANT VERY SOON.YOU MAY CHOOSE AND WE WILL
PAY. ONCE AGAIN, WE APOLOGISE AGAIN.CHAZ IS NOT AN EVIL
MAN-HE IS FULL OF HEART AND I KNOW THAT HE LOVES YOU DEARLY
(NOT IN A GAY WAY).WE HOPE YOU CAN FORGIVE THE LITTLE
LOVING MAN THEY CALL 'CHAZ' AND ACCEPT OUR OFFER OF
DINNER.PLEASE REPLY OVER YOUR DIARY ASAP-WE WILL SEE YOU
SOON.BUT WHO ARE WE???
Farewell,all our love,
Men in vests


My reply:
Well, how could these people be (I wonder...).
Thank you very much for the offer of dinner, but I feel
compelled to politely decline as I don't know anywhere In
the UK that serves Boiled Squid (My favourite).
Thank you all the same,
Brian.
P.S. Could you possibly be the famous 'Chaz & Dave?' Just
a thought...


Then, I recieved some threatening feedback, or at lease
just plain rude...:

From: amesP_86@hotmail.com
Message:

hi sexy

happy valentines day

roses are red
violets are blue
shut the fuck up
you demented JEW

U write a load of bullshit-u r the slimiest,gayest,most
unusual,ugly,boy loving PE-DO-FILE.
GET SOME PANTYS
Love Sammy


My reply:
Dear Miss Hitler,
Are you anti-semantic? Your political and religous
believes went out with the Nazis. Sorry to break it to
you, but I think you are stuck in the past.
I don't know anybody called Sammy anyway!

Brian.

And, at last:


From: rgmn@totalise.co.uk
Message:

Hi Brian, IT'S RAJAN Finally I've read ALL your diary
entries, and personally I think that they are
1: Great
2: Funny
3: A good source from which roomers can
be generated
However you have mentioned KIRSTIE an awfull lot. But hey,
I know you don't fancy her...or do you? and I'm sure this
paediphilism will die down (Is that a word?) O well, I
thought I'd just adapt it to the theme of Utilitarianism
(In pse) So, end of half term hey- Fantastic And if your'e
wondering, yes I am going to set up a NEW msn account,
since I forgot my password Ahh, and one more thing, don't
forget to mention some stuff about our chat or chats may I
say,with Ashley Fox and the SLINKY
Anyway, I'll probably ring you in the half term, and hey, I
might even see you
-Raj


My reply:
Raj, about time you got here! What took you so long?
Sorry, but paedophilism isn't a word. Try paedophilia.
And anyway, what's the big thing about paedophiles? I've
been called a paedophile a lot lately, but why? I'm only
16! Is it because I (allegedly!) fancy Kirstie, who is
only 15? And trust me here, I don't fancy her. I'd know,,
wouldn't I? I would, would I??? Hmmm...
As for Ashley and the Slinkey, I'll try and think of
something to say about them over half-term.

Brian.
P.S. Roomers??? Honestly Rajan, can't you spell at all?
Try rumours!
;-)


And, last off all:

From: lewis@aol.com
Message:

lewis said u r a paedophile and you sneak into little kids
beds KIrsty wouldnt go out wiv u iain told me to say you
are the oracle of
nothing


My reply:
Who on earth are you??? For the last time, I AM NOT A
PAEDOPHILE!!! I think you must have confused me with
Michael Jackson, with the bit about little kids beds.
And anyway, who is iain???
And why am I the Oracle of Nothing?

Hang on a minute, I know who you are! You're Lauren's
brother! The one who wasn't called Ian after all!

It all makes sense now...

Brian.

Finally (Yes, I know I've said that at least 4 times
already), I got some feedback from Kirstie...
I'd like to clarify something. In my previous entry, I did
not mean to imply that Kirstie is good looking, but evil.
She isn't. Evil, that is. She isn't evil.
Sorry, Kirstie!


CF.
 
 
Cosmic Flame
15 February 2003 @ 03:31 pm
Will these guys never stop?

From: reporters@hotmail.com
Message:

BRIAN-U R A FOOL.
AS THE OFFICIAL SPOKESPERSONS OF MICHAEL JACKSON,WE WOULD
LIKE TO CONFIRM THAT HE IS NOT A PEADOPHILE.HE ENJOYS THE
COMPANY OF YOUNGER CHILDREN AS HE NEVERHAD A CHILDHOOD DUE
TO PERFORMING FROM THE AGE OF 5 AND BEING BEATEN BY HIS
FATHER.DID YOU NOT WATCH THE PROGRAM THOUROUGHLY.
As an internet site owners ourselves, we know that these
sort of allogations will not be tolerated and if this
should happen again, we shall be forced to report you and
hav your site closed down.We hope you understand and will
take action.
Yours sincerely,
Vic and Bob

My reply:
I know who you are.
I was joking. I did not watch the program AT ALL, as I
don't like that kind of thing. I don't approve of
reporters prying into peoples private lives, and then
exaggerating what they see to get a good story.
And as for you, Mr Thick and Mr Blob, I would prefer it if
you didn't start every message to me with "BRIAN-U R A
FOOL."

Thank you very much,
Don't come again,
Brian.



Honestly, can't some people take a joke?
 
 
 
Cosmic Flame
15 February 2003 @ 03:43 pm
I got an e-mail a few days ago from my sister. It was a
horoscope thing, like the other 4 million junk messages I
recieve each week.
But this one was different. It was actually fairly
accurate!
Here, have a go:

1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex.
2. Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue,
green,yellow?
3. Your first initial?
4. Your month of birth?
5. Which color do you like more, black or white?
6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.
7. Your favorite number?
8. Do you like California or Florida more?
9. Do you like a lake or the ocean more?
10. Write down a wish (a realistic one).

And now, here are my answers:
1. Kirstie
2. Blue
3. B
4. October
5. Black
6. Raj
7. 4
8. Florida
9. Lake
10. ...you think I'm telling you?

And here is what it traslates as:

1. You are completely in love with this person.
Maybe, but I'd prefer not to comment at this time...

2. If you choose:
Red - You are alert and your life is full of love.
Black - you are conservative and aggressive.
Green - your soul is relaxed and you are laid back
Blue - you are spontaneous and love kisses and affection
from the ones you love.
Yellow - you are a very happy person and give good advice
to those who are down.
Love kisses and affection? Would I really say no?

3. If your initial is:
A-K You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.
L-R You try to enjoy your life to the maximum and your love
life is soon to blossom.
S-Z You like to help others and your future love life looks
very good.
Not sure...

4. If you were born in:
Jan-Mar: The year will go very well for you and you will
discover that you fall in love with someone totally
unexpected.
April-June: You will have a strong love relationship that
will not last long but the memories will last forever.
July-Sep: You will have a great year and will experience a
major life-changing experience for the good.
Oct-Dec: Your love life will not be too great, but
eventually you will find your soul mate.
I can always hope, I suppose...

5. If you chose.....
Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it
will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for
you, and you will be glad for the change.
White: You will have a friend who completely confides in
you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize
it.
Maybe...

6. This person is your best friend.
Can't really argue with that.

7. This is how many close friends you have in your lifetime.
4! Only 4!

8. If you chose:
California: You like adventure.
Florida: You are a laid back person.
Maybe...

>>9. If you chose:
Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your lover and are
very reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.
Yeah, that sounds about right.

10. This wish will come true only if you send this to five
people in one hour. Send it to ten people, and it will come
true before your birthday this year!
Yadda yadda yak...


Well, it seems ok.
But am I really completely in love with...Kirstie?
Find out in the next exciting episode
Only on my-diary.org!

CF
 
 
Cosmic Flame
15 February 2003 @ 03:59 pm
I've recieved a lot of feedback telling me that I'm
obsessed with Kirstie. I say that is complete nonsense!
To prove it, I'm going to let you look into my mind

So, here it is. A minute by minute view of my most
intimate thoughts...

3.30 - Yeah, thoughts. But what am I thinking?
3.31 - ...Kirstie...
3.32 - I hope that after I've done this, everybody will
believe me when I say that I don't fancy Kirstie...
3.33 - ...Kirstie...
3.34 - Wait a second, aren't men supposed to think about
sex on average every 5 seconds? Hmmm...
3.35 - ...Kirstie...
3.36 - I must remember to reply to the feedback that Danni
sent me...But what should I write?
3.37 - ...Kirstie...
3.38 - I wonder what everone else is doing this half term?
Probly looking at this. I wonder how Kirs...STOP! Caught
myself in the act! I'm doing well so far. Haven't thought
about...
3.39 - ...Kirstie...
3.40 - ...for ages!
3.41 - ...Kirstie...
3.42 - I want to listen to some music. Let's try 'Nous
Sommes du Soleil' - it always reminds me of...
3.43 - ...Kirstie...
3.44 - "Hold me, my love, hold me today, call me
round. Travel we say, wonder we choose, love tune. Lay
upon me, hold me around lasting hours, we love when we
play...Nous Sommes Du Soleil.
3.45 - I love that song, it's so beautiful. No
wonder it always reminds me of...
3.46 - ...Kirstie...
3.47 - Everyone will be amazed when they find out that I
don't fancy Kirstie!
3.48 - I think it was very mean of Sean to tease Kirstie
about me, after all, it's not like I fancy her. He just
made assumptions.
3.49 - Kirstie must have been so embarassed - Sean says
that she went bright red! Poor Kirstie...
3.50 - ...Kirstie...
3.51 - ...Kirstie...
3.52 - ...Kirstie...
3.53 - ...Kirstie...
3.54 - ...Kirstie...
3.55 - ...Kirstie...
3.56 - ...Kirstie...
3.57 - ...Kirstie...
3.58 - ...Kirstie...
3.59 - ...Kirstie...
4.00 - ...Kirstie...

There! That's it! Half an hour of my thoughts, and I
didn't think about Kirstie once!
...Kirstie...
So now you see, I'm not obsessed at all!
Now the rumours can stop!
Now people will believe me!

...Kirstie...


So there you go!

Love,
Brian.


(...Kirstie...)


P.S. If you want me to sing 'Nous Sommes Du Soleil" just
ask. I might grant your wish, depending on who you are...

;-)
 
 
 
Cosmic Flame
15 February 2003 @ 04:00 pm
So, you've just read my previous entry?

Memo:
To: You
From: Me
Message:
PINCH OF SALT!
;-))
Brian.
 
 
 
Cosmic Flame
15 February 2003 @ 09:29 pm
4 new feedback messages in a few hours! Let's go!

From: theman@hotmail.com
Message:

Hullo Bazza.how the devil r u?i hear u hav been getting
greaf from 2 lone ranger boys calling themselves Vic and
Bob.They are obviously trying to imitate myself and Dave
which i am not best pleased about.Myself and Dave are
indivduals and not responsible for the prank emails you
are recieving.I am marginally sorry 4 the reading out of
diary incident-any comical genius in my situation wud hav
done the same.I will visit ur site agen as i enjoy reading
it.
Farewell,
The Man

My reply:
Hello Mano! I'm feeling as happy as usual, and believe me
that's happy. I'm guessing that you must be the
legendary 'Chaz.' Don't worry about the lone rangers, a
lynch mob got them this afternoon. They are now impaled on
the school gates.
As for the reading of the diary, don't worry about it. I'd
rather that you asked for my permission first, but still,
don't let it bother you.
I'm glad that you enjoy reading my site, that enjoyment is
what keeps me going. Like a vampire, I live for this
universal happiness, and it brings me great joy to make
people smile.

Keep on smilin',
Brian.

Number two:
From: chesse@hotmail.com
Message:

WAAAAAAAH BOOOOOOOO.
CHE CHA CHO CHE CHABUNGA BO A WABALABONGA

My reply:
Reply, how can I reply to that collection of syllables?
Listen, mister: I don't know what orbit you're in, but let
me know when the shuttle lands, and maybe we can have a
conversation.
Thanks,
Brian.

Next...
From: potnood@hotmail.com
Message:

so fo u to sing im guessin its gotta be kirstie askin u ey


My reply:
Why, Nic, why? Do you think that I fancy Kirstie? I
thought that I proved you all wrong with that other
entry..."Am I obssesed?" Don't tell me that you don't
believe me? Oh! Maybe you are reading something deeper in
my thoughts...but what? Why would Kirstie ask me to sing
to her. I would be very happy if she did, but I don't
fancy her...honest!

There was a 4th, but it's not really worth replying to in
my diary.

So, that's it!
Farewell My Friends,
And keep the feedback coming in!

Love,
Cosmic Flame!
Brian.